Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
