im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize