my room smells like sperm. sweet.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
