So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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