you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
