life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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