I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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