Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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