small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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