Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
