Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
