I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
