I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize