Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
