Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
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