My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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