she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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