Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
