so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
