Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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