I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
