The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
