Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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