bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
