winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
