saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
