it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
