drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
