ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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