i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Are we still banned from the library?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
