i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Who did Billy Mays play for?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize