Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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