ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
