Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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