Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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