Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
