Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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