so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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