Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
