Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
