I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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