cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
