i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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