wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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