dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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