I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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