New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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