Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
