The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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