Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
