oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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