Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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