My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
