we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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