Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
