Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize