The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She announced her abortion via fbk
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
