i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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