can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
