Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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