My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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