We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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