I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
