i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
we're making bets on your personal life
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
