my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
