Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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