I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
