your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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