the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
