Please, let me fuck your mom
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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