watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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