i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
