He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
