____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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