Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
