I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
