I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
