So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
