I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
