$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
