Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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